Shakespeare Portal

Act 4, Scene 2

A Prison.

  1. [Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and SEXTON, in gowns; and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.]
  2. Dogberry
  3. 1644 Is our whole dissembly appeared?
  4. Verges
  5. 1645 O! a stool and a cushion for the sexton.
  6. Sexton
  7. 1646 Which be the malefactors?
  8. Dogberry
  9. 1647 Marry, that am I and my partner.
  10. Verges
  11. 1648 Nay, that's certain: we have the exhibition to examine.
  12. Sexton
  13. 1649 But which are the offenders that are to be examined? let them
  14. 1650 come before Master constable.
  15. Dogberry
  16. 1651 Yea, marry, let them come before me. What is your name, friend?
  17. Borachio
  18. 1652 Borachio.
  19. Dogberry
  20. 1653 Pray write down Borachio. Yours, sirrah?
  21. Conrade
  22. 1654 I am a gentleman, sir, and my name is Conrade.
  23. Dogberry
  24. 1655 Write down Master gentleman Conrade. Masters, do you serve God?
  25. Both (Borachio and Conrade)
  26. 1656 Yea, sir, we hope.
  27. Dogberry
  28. 1657 Write down that they hope they serve God: and write God first; for
  29. 1658 God defend but God should go before such villains! Masters, it is
  30. 1659 proved already that you are little better than false knaves, and it
  31. 1660 will go near to be thought so shortly. How answer you for yourselves?
  32. Conrade
  33. 1661 Marry, sir, we say we are none.
  34. Dogberry
  35. 1662 A marvellous witty fellow, I assure you; but I will go about with him.
  36. 1663 Come you hither, sirrah; a word in your ear: sir, I say to you, it is
  37. 1664 thought you are false knaves.
  38. Borachio
  39. 1665 Sir, I say to you we are none.
  40. Dogberry
  41. 1666 Well, stand aside. Fore God, they are both in a tale. Have you writ
  42. 1667 down, that they are none?
  43. Sexton
  44. 1668 Master constable, you go not the way to examine: you must call forth
  45. 1669 the watch that are their accusers.
  46. Dogberry
  47. 1670 Yea, marry, that's the eftest way. Let the watch come forth.
  48. 1671 Masters, I charge you, in the prince's name, accuse these men.
  49. First Watchman
  50. 1672 This man said, sir, that Don John, the prince's brother, was a
  51. 1673 villain.
  52. Dogberry
  53. 1674 Write down Prince John a villain. Why, this is flat perjury, to
  54. 1675 call a prince's brother villain.
  55. Borachio
  56. 1676 Master Constable,—
  57. Dogberry
  58. 1677 Pray thee, fellow, peace: I do not like thy look, I promise thee.
  59. Sexton
  60. 1678 What heard you him say else?
  61. Second Watchman
  62. 1679 Marry, that he had received a thousand ducats of Don John for
  63. 1680 accusing the Lady Hero wrongfully.
  64. Dogberry
  65. 1681 Flat burglary as ever was committed.
  66. Verges
  67. 1682 Yea, by the mass, that it is.
  68. Verges
  69. 1683 SEXTON. What else, fellow?
  70. First Watchman
  71. 1684 And that Count Claudio did mean, upon his words, to disgrace Hero
  72. 1685 before the whole assembly, and not marry her.
  73. Dogberry
  74. 1686 O villain! thou wilt be condemned into everlasting redemption for
  75. 1687 this.
  76. Sexton
  77. 1688 What else?
  78. Second Watchman
  79. 1689 This is all.
  80. Sexton
  81. 1690 And this is more, masters, than you can deny. Prince John is this
  82. 1691 morning secretly stolen away: Hero was in this manner accused, in this
  83. 1692 manner refused, and, upon the grief of this, suddenly died. Master
  84. 1693 Constable, let these men be bound, and brought to Leonato's: I will go
  85. 1694 before and show him their examination.
  86. [Exit.]
  87. Dogberry
  88. 1695 Come, let them be opinioned.
  89. Verges
  90. 1696 Let them be in the hands—
  91. Conrade
  92. 1697 Off, coxcomb!
  93. Dogberry
  94. 1698 God's my life! where's the sexton? let him write down the prince's
  95. 1699 officer coxcomb. Come, bind them. Thou naughty varlet!
  96. Conrade
  97. 1700 Away! you are an ass; you are an ass.
  98. Dogberry
  99. 1701 Dost thou not suspect my place? Dost thou not suspect my years? O that
  100. 1702 he were here to write me down an ass! but, masters, remember that I am
  101. 1703 an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass.
  102. 1704 No, thou villain, thou art full of piety, as shall be proved upon thee
  103. 1705 by good witness. I am a wise fellow; and, which is more, an officer;
  104. 1706 and, which is more, a householder; and, which is more, as pretty a
  105. 1707 piece of flesh as any in Messina; and one that knows the law, go to;
  106. 1708 and a rich fellow enough, go to; and a fellow that hath had losses; and
  107. 1709 one that hath two gowns, and everything handsome about him. Bring him
  108. 1710 away. O that I had been writ down an ass!
  109. [Exeunt.]