Shakespeare Portal

Act 2, Scene 5

The same. A street

  1. [Enter SPEED and LAUNCE.]
  2. Speed
  3. 828 Launce! by mine honesty, welcome to Milan!
  4. Launce
  5. 829 Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I
  6. 830 reckon this always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged,
  7. 831 nor never welcome to a place till some certain shot be paid, and
  8. 832 the hostess say 'Welcome!'
  9. Speed
  10. 833 Come on, you madcap; I'll to the alehouse with you
  11. 834 presently; where, for one shot of five pence, thou shalt have
  12. 835 five thousand welcomes. But, sirrah, how did thy master part with
  13. 836 Madam Julia?
  14. Launce
  15. 837 Marry, after they clos'd in earnest, they parted very
  16. 838 fairly in jest.
  17. Speed
  18. 839 But shall she marry him?
  19. Launce
  20. 840 No.
  21. Speed
  22. 841 How then? Shall he marry her?
  23. Launce
  24. 842 No, neither.
  25. Speed
  26. 843 What, are they broken?
  27. Launce
  28. 844 No, they are both as whole as a fish.
  29. Speed
  30. 845 Why then, how stands the matter with them?
  31. Launce
  32. 846 Marry, thus: when it stands well with him, it stands well
  33. 847 with her.
  34. Speed
  35. 848 What an ass art thou! I understand thee not.
  36. Launce
  37. 849 What a block art thou that thou canst not! My staff
  38. 850 understands me.
  39. Speed
  40. 851 What thou sayest?
  41. Launce
  42. 852 Ay, and what I do too; look thee, I'll but lean, and my
  43. 853 staff understands me.
  44. Speed
  45. 854 It stands under thee, indeed.
  46. Launce
  47. 855 Why, stand-under and under-stand is all one.
  48. Speed
  49. 856 But tell me true, will't be a match?
  50. Launce
  51. 857 Ask my dog. If he say ay, it will; if he say no, it will; if
  52. 858 he shake his tail and say nothing, it will.
  53. Speed
  54. 859 The conclusion is, then, that it will.
  55. Launce
  56. 860 Thou shalt never get such a secret from me but by a
  57. 861 parable.
  58. Speed
  59. 862 'Tis well that I get it so. But, Launce, how sayest thou
  60. 863 that my master is become a notable lover?
  61. Launce
  62. 864 I never knew him otherwise.
  63. Speed
  64. 865 Than how?
  65. Launce
  66. 866 A notable lubber, as thou reportest him to be.
  67. Speed
  68. 867 Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistak'st me.
  69. Launce
  70. 868 Why, fool, I meant not thee, I meant thy master.
  71. Speed
  72. 869 I tell thee my master is become a hot lover.
  73. Launce
  74. 870 Why, I tell thee I care not though he burn himself in love.
  75. 871 If thou wilt, go with me to the alehouse; if not, thou art an
  76. 872 Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth the name of a Christian.
  77. Speed
  78. 873 Why?
  79. Launce
  80. 874 Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to
  81. 875 the ale with a Christian. Wilt thou go?
  82. Speed
  83. 876 At thy service.
  84. [Exeunt.]