Act 1, Scene 4

A room in DOCTOR CAIUS'S house.

[Enter MISTRESS QUICKLY, and SIMPLE.]
Mistress Quickly
329 What, John Rugby!
[Enter RUGBY.]
Mistress Quickly
330 I pray thee go to the casement, and see if you can see my master,
331 Master Doctor Caius, coming: if he do, i' faith, and find anybody
332 in the house, here will be an old abusing of God's patience and the
333 King's English.
Rugby
334 I'll go watch.
Mistress Quickly
335 Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the
336 latter end of a sea-coal fire.
[Exit RUGBY.]
Mistress Quickly
337 An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house
338 withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale nor no breed-bate; his worst
339 fault is that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish that
340 way; but nobody but has his fault; but let that pass. Peter Simple
341 you say your name is?
Simple
342 Ay, for fault of a better.
Mistress Quickly
343 And Master Slender's your master?
Simple
344 Ay, forsooth.
Mistress Quickly
345 Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife?
Simple
346 No, forsooth; he hath but a little whey face, with a little yellow
347 beard—a cane-coloured beard.
Mistress Quickly
348 A softly-sprighted man, is he not?
Simple
349 Ay, forsooth; but he is as tall a man of his hands as any is between
350 this and his head; he hath fought with a warrener.
Mistress Quickly
351 How say you?—O! I should remember him. Does he not hold up his head,
352 as it were, and strut in his gait?
Simple
353 Yes, indeed, does he.
Mistress Quickly
354 Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse fortune! Tell Master Parson
355 Evans I will do what I can for your master: Anne is a good girl,
356 and I wish—
[Re-enter RUGBY.]
Rugby
357 Out, alas! here comes my master.
Mistress Quickly
358 We shall all be shent. Run in here, good young man; go into this
359 closet.
[Shuts SIMPLE in the closet.]
Mistress Quickly
360 He will not stay long. What,
361 John Rugby! John! what, John, I say! Go, John, go inquire for my
362 master; I doubt he be not well that he comes not home.
[Exit Rugby.]
[Sings.]
Mistress Quickly
363 And down, down, adown-a, &c.
[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS.]
Doctor Caius
364 Vat is you sing? I do not like des toys. Pray you, go and vetch me
365 in my closet une boitine verde—a box, a green-a box: do intend vat
366 I speak? a green-a box.
Mistress Quickly
367 Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you.
[Aside]
Mistress Quickly
368 I am glad he went not in
369 himself: if he had found the young man, he would have been horn-mad.
Doctor Caius
370 Fe, fe, fe fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais a la cour—
371 la grande affaire.
Mistress Quickly
372 Is it this, sir?
Doctor Caius
373 Oui; mettez le au mon pocket: depechez, quickly—Vere is dat knave,
374 Rugby?
Mistress Quickly
375 What, John Rugby? John!
[Re-enter Rugby.]
Rugby
376 Here, sir.
Doctor Caius
377 You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby: come, take-a your rapier,
378 and come after my heel to de court.
Rugby
379 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch.
Doctor Caius
380 By my trot, I tarry too long—Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublie? Dere is some
381 simples in my closet dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind.
[Aside.]
Mistress Quickly
382 Ay me, he'll find the young man there, and be mad!
Doctor Caius
383 O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?—Villainy! larron!
[Pulling SIMPLE out.]
Doctor Caius
384 Rugby, my rapier!
Mistress Quickly
385 Good master, be content.
Doctor Caius
386 Verefore shall I be content-a?
Mistress Quickly
387 The young man is an honest man.
Doctor Caius
388 What shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat
389 shall come in my closet.
Mistress Quickly
390 I beseech you, be not so phlegmatic. Hear the truth of it: he came of
391 an errand to me from Parson Hugh.
Doctor Caius
392 Vell.
Simple
393 Ay, forsooth, to desire her to—
Mistress Quickly
394 Peace, I pray you.
Doctor Caius
395 Peace-a your tongue!—Speak-a your tale.
Simple
396 To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to
397 Mistress Anne Page for my master, in the way of marriage.
Mistress Quickly
398 This is all, indeed, la! but I'll ne'er put my finger in the fire,
399 and need not.
Doctor Caius
400 Sir Hugh send-a you?—Rugby, baillez me some paper: tarry you a
401 little-a while.
[Writes.]
Mistress Quickly
402 I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been throughly moved, you should
403 have heard him so loud and so melancholy. But notwithstanding, man,
404 I'll do you your master what good I can; and the very yea and the no
405 is, the French doctor, my master—I may call him my master, look you,
406 for I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, scour, dress
407 meat and drink, make the beds, and do all myself—
Simple
408 'Tis a great charge to come under one body's hand.
Mistress Quickly
409 Are you avis'd o' that? You shall find it a great charge; and to be
410 up early and down late; but notwithstanding,—to tell you in your
411 ear,—I would have no words of it—my master himself is in love with
412 Mistress Anne Page; but notwithstanding that, I know Anne's mind,
413 that's neither here nor there.
Doctor Caius
414 You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to Sir Hugh; by gar, it is a
415 shallenge: I will cut his troat in de Park; and I will teach a scurvy
416 jack-a-nape priest to meddle or make. You may be gone; it is not good
417 you tarry here: by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he
418 shall not have a stone to throw at his dog.
[Exit SIMPLE.]
Mistress Quickly
419 Alas, he speaks but for his friend.
Doctor Caius
420 It is no matter-a ver dat:—do not you tell-a me dat I shall have
421 Anne Page for myself? By gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have
422 appointed mine host of de Jartiere to measure our weapon. By gar, I
423 vill myself have Anne Page.
Mistress Quickly
424 Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be well. We must give folks
425 leave to prate: what, the good-jer!
Doctor Caius
426 Rugby, come to the court vit me. By gar, if I have not Anne Page,
427 I shall turn your head out of my door. Follow my heels, Rugby.
[Exeunt CAIUS and RUGBY.]
Mistress Quickly
428 You shall have An fool's-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for
429 that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do;
430 nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven.
[Within.]
Fenton
431 Who's within there? ho!
Mistress Quickly
432 Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you.
[Enter FENTON.]
Fenton
433 How now, good woman! how dost thou?
Mistress Quickly
434 The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask.
Fenton
435 What news? how does pretty Mistress Anne?
Mistress Quickly
436 In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that
437 is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it.
Fenton
438 Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shall I not lose my suit?
Mistress Quickly
439 Troth, sir, all is in His hands above; but notwithstanding, Master
440 Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book she loves you. Have not your worship
441 a wart above your eye?
Fenton
442 Yes, marry, have I; what of that?
Mistress Quickly
443 Well, thereby hangs a tale; good faith, it is such another Nan; but,
444 I detest, an honest maid as ever broke bread. We had an hour's talk
445 of that wart; I shall never laugh but in that maid's company;—but,
446 indeed, she is given too much to allicholy and musing. But for you
447 —well, go to.
Fenton
448 Well, I shall see her to-day. Hold, there's money for thee; let me
449 have thy voice in my behalf: if thou seest her before me, commend me.
Mistress Quickly
450 Will I? i' faith, that we will; and I will tell your worship more of
451 the wart the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers.
Fenton
452 Well, farewell; I am in great haste now.
Mistress Quickly
453 Farewell to your worship.—
[Exit FENTON.]
Mistress Quickly
454 Truly, an honest gentleman;
455 but Anne loves him not; for I know Anne's mind as well as another
456 does. Out upon 't, what have I forgot?
[Exit.]

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Word definitions on hover

Notes

TLN 332cultural context
“abusing of God's patience and the King's English”
To 'abuse the King's English' is to mangle the language — here Mistress Quickly anticipates that Doctor Caius's violent temper, mixed with his broken French-accented speech, will produce a spectacle of mangled oaths and grammar if he catches an unexpected visitor. The phrase was already proverbial in the 1590s. The joke is fitting: Caius speaks comically imperfect English throughout.
TLN 335archaic vocab
“a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire”
A posset was a hot bedtime drink made from hot milk curdled with wine or ale, taken as a comfort or a medicine. A 'sea-coal fire' burned coal shipped by sea from Newcastle to London (as opposed to charcoal or wood), which produced an intensely hot, long-lasting fire suitable for keeping a pot simmering late into the evening. Mistress Quickly is promising Rugby a warm reward — a nightcap by the dying embers — for keeping watch.
TLN 338archaic vocab
“no tell-tale nor no breed-bate”
A 'breed-bate' is a troublemaker, someone who stirs up quarrels and strife ('bate' = strife, controversy). Mistress Quickly is praising Rugby as a servant who keeps secrets and does not provoke arguments in the household. The phrase is specific to Shakespeare's period.
TLN 358archaic vocab
“We shall all be shent”
'Shent' is an archaic past participle of 'shend' — meaning disgraced, rebuked, or ruined. When Mistress Quickly says 'We shall all be shent,' she means 'we shall all be in terrible trouble' (literally, shamed or disgraced) if Doctor Caius finds Simple in the house. The word was already old-fashioned by Shakespeare's day, giving Quickly's speech a slightly rustic flavour.
TLN 370cultural context
“ma foi, il fait fort chaud. Je m'en vais a la cour— la grande affaire”
Doctor Caius breaks into French: 'ma foi' = 'my faith / good heavens'; 'il fait fort chaud' = 'it is very hot'; 'je m'en vais a la cour' = 'I am going to the court'; 'la grande affaire' = 'the great matter / important business.' He is complaining about the heat and declaring he is off to court on important business. These asides establish him as a real doctor of high social standing who actually moves in courtly circles.
TLN 380archaic vocab
“Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublie? Dere is some simples in my closet”
'Od's me' is a mild oath — 'God save me' or 'Good God' — with 'God' softened to 'Od' to avoid outright blasphemy, as the 1606 Act to Restrain Abuses of Players prohibited profane use of God's name on stage. 'Qu'ay j'oublié?' = French for 'What have I forgotten?' Caius suddenly remembers he has left medicines ('simples' — medicinal herbs or ingredients) in his closet, and rushes back — with disastrous results since Simple is hidden there.
TLN 383cultural context
“O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?—Villainy! larron!”
Caius erupts into French mixed with English: 'diable' = 'devil'; 'larron' = 'thief, robber.' He is shouting 'O devil, devil! What is in my closet? Villainy! Thief!' The mixture of French oaths and English outrage is the comic formula for Caius throughout — his temper outruns his English vocabulary and he defaults to French.
TLN 390archaic vocab
“be not so phlegmatic”
Mistress Quickly almost certainly means 'choleric' (hot-tempered, fiery) but says 'phlegmatic' by mistake. In the theory of the four humours that governed Elizabethan medicine and psychology, phlegm was the cold, slow, calm humour — the exact opposite of the furious temper she is trying to describe. The blunder is a 'malapropism' — using the wrong word because it sounds educated — and is typical of Quickly's pattern throughout the play.
TLN 414cultural context
“by gar, it is a shallenge: I will cut his troat in de Park”
'By gar' is Caius's version of 'by God,' his characteristic French-accented oath throughout the play. A 'shallenge' is his rendering of 'challenge' — a formal written demand for a duel. Caius has written a letter challenging Parson Evans to a sword-fight in Windsor Park for daring to meddle in his courtship of Anne Page. The duel-challenge was a recognizable social ritual in Elizabethan England, though Shakespeare mocks its pretensions throughout.
TLN 422historical topical
“mine host of de Jartiere to measure our weapon”
'De Jartiere' is Caius's French pronunciation of 'the Garter' — he is referring to the Host of the Garter Inn, where Falstaff lodges and where much of the play's action is arranged. The Garter Inn is the play's social hub. In 1597, the year The Merry Wives of Windsor is thought to have been first performed, Windsor was the seat of the Order of the Garter, England's highest order of chivalry, and the inn's name places the play squarely in the royal town of Windsor.
historical The Order of the Garter
TLN 443archaic vocab
“thereby hangs a tale; good faith, it is such another Nan; but, I detest”
'Thereby hangs a tale' was a proverbial phrase meaning 'that reminds me of a story' or 'that subject has more to it.' Quickly then says 'I detest' when she means 'I protest' — another malapropism, using an impressive-sounding word that means roughly the opposite of what she intends. 'Nan' is a familiar form of 'Anne' (Anne Page).
TLN 450archaic vocab
“more of the wart the next time we have confidence”
Mistress Quickly says 'confidence' when she means 'conference' — a private talk or meeting. This is another of her characteristic malapropisms, substituting a grander-sounding word for the simpler one she intends. In context she is promising Fenton she will tell him more about Anne's feelings the next time they have a chance to talk privately.