Act 5, Scene 1

The Forest of Arden.

[Enter TOUCHSTONE and AUDREY.]
Touchstone
2106 We shall find a time, Audrey; patience, gentle Audrey.
Audrey
2107 Faith, the priest was good enough, for all the old gentleman's
2108 saying.
Touchstone
2109 A most wicked Sir Oliver, Audrey, a most vile Martext.
2110 But, Audrey, there is a youth here in the forest lays claim to
2111 you.
Audrey
2112 Ay, I know who 'tis: he hath no interest in me in the
2113 world: here comes the man you mean.
[Enter WILLIAM.]
Touchstone
2114 It is meat and drink to me to see a clown: By my troth,
2115 we that have good wits have much to answer for; we shall be
2116 flouting; we cannot hold.
William
2117 Good even, Audrey.
Audrey
2118 God ye good even, William.
William
2119 And good even to you, sir.
Touchstone
2120 Good even, gentle friend. Cover thy head, cover thy
2121 head; nay, pr'ythee, be covered. How old are you, friend?
William
2122 Five and twenty, sir.
Touchstone
2123 A ripe age. Is thy name William?
William
2124 William, sir.
Touchstone
2125 A fair name. Wast born i' the forest here?
William
2126 Ay, sir, I thank God.
Touchstone
2127 "Thank God;"—a good answer. Art rich?
William
2128 Faith, sir, so-so.
Touchstone
2129 "So-so" is good, very good, very excellent good:—and
2130 yet it is not; it is but so-so. Art thou wise?
William
2131 Ay, sir, I have a pretty wit.
Touchstone
2132 Why, thou say'st well. I do now remember a saying; 'The
2133 fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to
2134 be a fool.' The heathen philosopher, when he had a desire to eat
2135 a grape, would open his lips when he put it into his mouth;
2136 meaning thereby that grapes were made to eat and lips to open.
2137 You do love this maid?
William
2138 I do, sir.
Touchstone
2139 Give me your hand. Art thou learned?
William
2140 No, sir.
Touchstone
2141 Then learn this of me:—to have is to have; for it is a figure in
2142 rhetoric that drink, being poured out of cup into a glass, by
2143 filling the one doth empty the other; for all your writers do
2144 consent that ipse is he; now, you are not ipse, for I am he.
William
2145 Which he, sir?
Touchstone
2146 He, sir, that must marry this woman. Therefore, you clown,
2147 abandon,—which is in the vulgar, leave,—the society,—which
2148 in the boorish is company,—of this female,—which in the common
2149 is woman,—which together is abandon the society of this female;
2150 or, clown, thou perishest; or, to thy better understanding,
2151 diest; or, to wit, I kill thee, make thee away, translate thy
2152 life into death, thy liberty into bondage: I will deal in poison
2153 with thee, or in bastinado, or in steel; I will bandy with thee
2154 in faction; will o'er-run thee with policy; I will kill thee a
2155 hundred and fifty ways; therefore tremble and depart.
Audrey
2156 Do, good William.
William
2157 God rest you merry, sir.
[Exit.]
[Enter CORIN.]
Corin
2158 Our master and mistress seek you; come away, away!
Touchstone
2159 Trip, Audrey, trip, Audrey;—I attend, I attend.
[Exeunt.]

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Notes

TLN 2109cultural context
“a most vile Martext”
Sir Oliver Martext is a hedge-priest whose name is a joke: to 'mar a text' means to garble or bungle a passage of scripture. Touchstone called off the wedding in Act 3 because Jaques warned that a marriage performed by someone who 'mars texts' would be irregular and effectively void. The name mocks ignorant country clergy who could not read their own liturgy.
TLN 2114archaic vocab
“meat and drink to me to see a clown”
'Meat and drink' means pleasure and sustenance — the two things a person most needs. Touchstone is saying that watching a simple rustic is his deepest enjoyment. 'Clown' here does not mean a circus comedian; it is Elizabethan for a country bumpkin or uneducated rustic, as opposed to the wit of a courtier or a professional fool.
TLN 2120historical topical
“Cover thy head, cover thy head; nay, pr'ythee, be covered”
In Elizabethan England an inferior was expected to bare his head — remove his hat — in the presence of a social superior, as a mark of deference. William has taken off his hat on meeting the apparent gentleman Touchstone. Touchstone, affecting elaborate courtesy, tells him to put it back on: the comic point is that Touchstone is granting the clown equal social standing, which he is about to strip away the moment he threatens him.
TLN 2132wordplay
“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool”
This is a variation on the Socratic paradox: true wisdom begins with knowing your own ignorance. Touchstone quotes it as a grave 'saying' to puncture William's claim of 'a pretty wit' — but the joke is also on Touchstone, the professional fool who has just been strutting his own cleverness. The 'heathen philosopher' story that follows (a philosopher opens his mouth to eat a grape) is a deliberately absurd non-sequitur, a parody of the habit of propping up any statement with a classical example.
TLN 2147rhetorical device
“abandon,—which is in the vulgar, leave,—the society,—which in the boorish is company”
Touchstone's dismissal of William is a deliberate parody of the high-flown style of Euphues — the ornate, artificial prose fashion made popular by John Lyly in the 1580s. He translates each hard word into a simpler one mid-sentence: 'abandon' = 'leave,' 'society' = 'company,' 'female' = 'woman.' The joke is that the 'translation' makes the sentence no clearer, since the two halves say the same thing — and the plain version is the one any country fellow could understand without the decoration.
TLN 2153archaic vocab
“in bastinado, or in steel”
A bastinado is a beating with a stick or cudgel, specifically on the soles of the feet — a punishment associated with the Ottoman world and with military discipline, but used here as one of Touchstone's comic escalating threats. 'Steel' means a sword or blade. Touchstone is listing his weapons: poison, a stick-beating, or a sword — a comic range from sneaky to clumsy to honorable, none of which he will actually use.