Act 2, Scene 3

A Room in OLIVIA'S House.

[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and SIR ANDREW AGUE-CHEEK.]
Sir Toby Belch
622 Approach, Sir Andrew; not to be a-bed after midnight is to
623 be up betimes; and diluculo surgere, thou know'st.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
624 Nay; by my troth, I know not; but I know to be up late
625 is to be up late.
Sir Toby Belch
626 A false conclusion; I hate it as an unfilled can. To be
627 up after midnight, and to go to bed then is early: so that to go
628 to bed after midnight is to go to bed betimes. Do not our lives
629 consist of the four elements?
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
630 Faith, so they say; but I think it rather consists of
631 eating and drinking.
Sir Toby Belch
632 Thou art a scholar; let us therefore eat and drink.—
633 Marian, I say!—a stoup of wine.
[Enter CLOWN.]
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
634 Here comes the fool, i' faith.
Feste
635 How now, my hearts? Did you never see the picture of we three?
Sir Toby Belch
636 Welcome, ass. Now let's have a catch.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
637 By my troth, the fool has an excellent breast. I had
638 rather than forty shillings I had such a leg; and so sweet a
639 breath to sing, as the fool has. In sooth, thou wast in very
640 gracious fooling last night when thou spokest of Pigrogromitus,
641 of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus; 'twas very
642 good, i' faith. I sent thee sixpence for thy leman. Hadst it?
Feste
643 I did impeticos thy gratillity; for Malvolio's nose is no
644 whipstock. My lady has a white hand, and the Myrmidons are no
645 bottle-ale houses.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
646 Excellent! Why, this is the best fooling, when all is
647 done. Now, a song.
Sir Toby Belch
648 Come on; there is sixpence for you: let's have a song.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
649 There's a testril of me too: if one knight give a—
Feste
650 Would you have a love-song, or a song of good life?
Sir Toby Belch
651 A love-song, a love-song.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
652 Ay, ay; I care not for good life.
[SONG]
Feste
653 O, mistress mine, where are you roaming?
654 O, stay and hear; your true love's coming,
655 That can sing both high and low:
656 Trip no further, pretty sweeting;
657 Journeys end in lovers meeting,
658 Every wise man's son doth know.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
659 Excellent good, i' faith.
Sir Toby Belch
660 Good, good.
Feste
661 What is love? 'tis not hereafter;
662 Present mirth hath present laughter;
663 What's to come is still unsure.
664 In delay there lies no plenty;
665 Then come kiss me, sweet and twenty;
666 Youth's a stuff will not endure.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
667 A mellifluous voice, as I am true knight.
Sir Toby Belch
668 A contagious breath.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
669 Very sweet and contagious, i' faith.
Sir Toby Belch
670 To hear by the nose, it is dulcet in contagion. But shall
671 we make the welkin dance indeed? Shall we rouse the night-owl in
672 a catch that will draw three souls out of one weaver? shall we do
673 that?
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
674 An you love me, let's do't: I am dog at a catch.
Feste
675 By'r lady, sir, and some dogs will catch well.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
676 Most certain: let our catch be, 'Thou knave.'
Feste
677 'Hold thy peace, thou knave' knight? I shall be constrain'd
678 in't to call thee knave, knight.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
679 'Tis not the first time I have constrained one to call
680 me knave. Begin, fool; it begins 'Hold thy peace.'
Feste
681 I shall never begin if I hold my peace.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
682 Good, i' faith! Come, begin.
[They sing a catch.]
[Enter MARIA.]
Maria
683 What a caterwauling do you keep here! If my lady have not
684 called up her steward Malvolio, and bid him turn you out of
685 doors, never trust me.
Sir Toby Belch
686 My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians; Malvolio's a
687 Peg-a-Ramsey, and
[Singing.]
Sir Toby Belch
688 'Three merry men be we.'
689 Am not I consanguineous? am I not of her blood? Tilly-valley,
690 lady.
691 'There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady.'
Feste
692 Beshrew me, the knight's in admirable fooling.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
693 Ay, he does well enough if he be disposed, and so do I
694 too; he does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural.
[Singing]
Sir Toby Belch
695 O, the twelfth day of December,—
Maria
696 For the love o' God, peace!
[Enter MALVOLIO]
Malvolio
697 My masters, are you mad? or what are you? Have you no
698 wit, manners, nor honesty, but to gabble like tinkers at this
699 time of night? Do ye make an ale-house of my lady's house, that
700 ye squeak out your coziers' catches without any mitigation or
701 remorse of voice? Is there no respect of place, persons, nor
702 time, in you?
Sir Toby Belch
703 We did keep time, sir, in our catches. Sneck up!
Malvolio
704 Sir Toby, I must be round with you. My lady bade me tell
705 you that, though she harbours you as her kinsman she's nothing
706 allied to your disorders. If you can separate yourself and your
707 misdemeanours, you are welcome to the house; if not, an it would
708 please you to take leave of her, she is very willing to bid you
709 farewell.
Sir Toby Belch
710 'Farewell, dear heart, since I must needs be gone.'
Maria
711 Nay, good Sir Toby.
Feste
712 'His eyes do show his days are almost done.'
Malvolio
713 Is't even so?
Sir Toby Belch
714 'But I will never die.'
Feste
715 Sir Toby, there you lie.
Malvolio
716 This is much credit to you.
[Singing]
Sir Toby Belch
717 'Shall I bid him go?'
Feste
718 'What an if you do?'
Sir Toby Belch
719 'Shall I bid him go, and spare not?'
Feste
720 'O, no, no, no, no, you dare not.'
Sir Toby Belch
721 Out o' tune? sir, ye lie. Art any more than a steward? Dost thou
722 think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes
723 and ale?
Feste
724 Yes, by Saint Anne; and ginger shall be hot i' the mouth
725 too.
Sir Toby Belch
726 Thou'art i' the right.—Go, sir, rub your chain with crumbs:
727 A stoup of wine, Maria!
Malvolio
728 Mistress Mary, if you prized my lady's favour at anything
729 more than contempt, you would not give means for this uncivil
730 rule; she shall know of it, by this hand.
[Exit.]
Maria
731 Go shake your ears.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
732 'Twere as good a deed as to drink when a man's a-hungry,
733 to challenge him the field, and then to break promise with him
734 and make a fool of him.
Sir Toby Belch
735 Do't, knight; I'll write thee a challenge; or I'll
736 deliver thy indignation to him by word of mouth.
Maria
737 Sweet Sir Toby, be patient for to-night; since the youth of
738 the count's was to-day with my lady, she is much out of quiet.
739 For Monsieur Malvolio, let me alone with him: if I do not gull
740 him into a nayword, and make him a common recreation, do not
741 think I have wit enough to lie straight in my bed. I know I can
742 do it.
Sir Toby Belch
743 Possess us, possess us; tell us something of him.
Maria
744 Marry, sir, sometimes he is a kind of Puritan.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
745 O, if I thought that, I'd beat him like a dog.
Sir Toby Belch
746 What, for being a Puritan? thy exquisite reason, dear knight?
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
747 I have no exquisite reason for't, but I have reason good enough.
Maria
748 The devil a Puritan that he is, or anything constantly but a
749 time-pleaser: an affectioned ass that cons state without book and
750 utters it by great swarths; the best persuaded of himself, so
751 crammed, as he thinks, with excellences, that it is his grounds
752 of faith that all that look on him love him; and on that vice in
753 him will my revenge find notable cause to work.
Sir Toby Belch
754 What wilt thou do?
Maria
755 I will drop in his way some obscure epistles of love;
756 wherein, by the colour of his beard, the shape of his leg, the
757 manner of his gait, the expressure of his eye, forehead, and
758 complexion, he shall find himself most feelingly personated. I
759 can write very like my lady, your niece; on a forgotten matter we
760 can hardly make distinction of our hands.
Sir Toby Belch
761 Excellent! I smell a device.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
762 I have't in my nose too.
Sir Toby Belch
763 He shall think, by the letters that thou wilt drop, that
764 they come from my niece, and that she is in love with him.
Maria
765 My purpose is, indeed, a horse of that colour.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
766 And your horse now would make him an ass.
Maria
767 Ass, I doubt not.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
768 O 'twill be admirable!
Maria
769 Sport royal, I warrant you. I know my physic will work with
770 him. I will plant you two, and let the fool make a third, where
771 he shall find the letter; observe his construction of it. For
772 this night, to bed, and dream on the event. Farewell.
[Exit.]
Sir Toby Belch
773 Good night, Penthesilea.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
774 Before me, she's a good wench.
Sir Toby Belch
775 She's a beagle true bred, and one that adores me. What o' that?
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
776 I was adored once too.
Sir Toby Belch
777 Let's to bed, knight.—Thou hadst need send for more money.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
778 If I cannot recover your niece I am a foul way out.
Sir Toby Belch
779 Send for money, knight; if thou hast her not i' the end,
780 call me Cut.
Sir Andrew Aguecheek
781 If I do not, never trust me; take it how you will.
Sir Toby Belch
782 Come, come; I'll go burn some sack; 'tis too late to go
783 to bed now: come, knight; come, knight.
[Exeunt.]

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Word definitions on hover

Notes

TLN 623historical topical
“diluculo surgere, thou know'st”
A Latin proverb meaning 'to rise at dawn is wholesome' — the tag end of a line from William Lily's Latin Grammar (c. 1513), the standard school text of Elizabethan England: 'Diluculo surgere saluberrimum est' ('To rise at dawn is very wholesome'). Sir Toby twists it to argue that staying up past midnight until dawn counts as 'rising early.'
TLN 628historical topical
“Do not our lives consist of the four elements”
Classical and medieval science held that all matter — including the human body — was made of four elements: fire, air, water, and earth. Physicians balanced health against the four corresponding bodily 'humours.' Sir Toby invokes this as a solemn philosophical premise; Sir Andrew deflates it at once by suggesting that life consists chiefly of eating and drinking.
TLN 635cultural context
“Did you never see the picture of we three”
Feste alludes to a well-known inn or tavern sign that showed two fools or two asses with the caption 'We three' — the joke being that the viewer was the third. By asking 'Did you never see the picture of we three?' Feste calls Sir Toby and Sir Andrew fools without quite saying so, and cheekily frames himself as the picture's third figure.
TLN 640wordplay
“Pigrogromitus, of the Vapians passing the equinoctial of Queubus”
'Pigrogromitus,' 'the Vapians,' 'the equinoctial of Queubus,' and 'leman' are a cascade of deliberate nonsense. 'Pigrogromitus' and 'Queubus' are invented words with no referent; 'equinoctial' is an astronomical term (the celestial equator) applied absurdly to a made-up place. 'Leman' is a genuine archaic word for a sweetheart or mistress. Feste is parodying the pedantic, jargon-heavy foolery of academic lecture, and Sir Andrew admires it without understanding a word.
TLN 653cultural context
“O, mistress mine, where are you roaming”
Feste's song is a carpe diem ('seize the day') lyric: stop wandering, your love is here, the future is uncertain, youth does not last. 'What's to come is still unsure' and 'Youth's a stuff will not endure' are its moral centre. Within the play the song carries quiet irony — it is sung in a household whose mistress Olivia has sworn off love and whose servants are drunk at midnight.
TLN 672historical topical
“draw three souls out of one weaver”
Weavers in Elizabethan England were associated with psalm-singing: many were Protestant refugees from the Low Countries whose piety was expressed in communal hymn. The joke is that even a weaver — a person famous for singing sacred music with rapt devotion — would be so transported by Sir Toby's catch that his soul would be drawn out of his body. 'A soul' leaving the body in music-transport was a stock idea; 'three souls out of one weaver' is hyperbole for an ecstatic reaction.
TLN 686archaic vocab
“My lady's a Cataian, we are politicians; Malvolio's a Peg-a-Ramsey”
'Cataian' (also 'Catayan,' from Cathay) was Elizabethan slang for a cheat or rogue — in the play Sir Toby drunkenly insults Olivia in absentia. 'Politicians' here means crafty schemers or self-serving manipulators (not elected officials). 'Peg-a-Ramsey' is an old popular song title used as a contemptuous nickname — calling Malvolio an old-fashioned, boring, kill-joy tune.
TLN 691biblical allusion
“There dwelt a man in Babylon, lady, lady”
Sir Toby is singing the opening line of a popular Elizabethan ballad based on the apocryphal Book of Susanna. The story — a virtuous woman falsely accused of adultery by corrupt elders, then saved by the prophet Daniel — was retold in many forms, and the ballad's refrain 'lady, lady' made it instantly recognisable. Sir Toby's drunken snatch of it adds another level of incongruity to a scene where he is defending his own lawless midnight behaviour.
TLN 700archaic vocab
“squeak out your coziers' catches”
A 'cozier' (also 'cobler' or 'cobbler') was a cobbler, one who mended shoes — a trade associated with rough popular music and rowdy company. Malvolio's contempt is precise: 'catches' (drinking rounds) are already low entertainment, and attributing them to cobblers places the revellers at the very bottom of the social scale. The phrase captures Malvolio's class-consciousness and his role as the comic embodiment of humorless respectability.
TLN 722historical topical
“because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more cakes and ale”
Sir Toby's challenge to Malvolio is the play's manifesto of festive misrule. 'Cakes and ale' were the food and drink of popular holidays and parish festivals — exactly what Puritan reformers wanted to abolish as sinful. His question crystallises the play's central conflict: does one person's sobriety and self-improvement give them the right to abolish pleasure for everyone?
historical Twelfth Night and the Lord of Misrulehistorical Puritanism and revelry ('a kind of Puritan')
TLN 724historical topical
“Yes, by Saint Anne; and ginger shall be hot i' the mouth too”
Saint Anne was the traditional name for the mother of the Virgin Mary (not in the canonical Bible but standard in medieval devotion), an oath mild enough for everyday use. 'Ginger shall be hot i' the mouth too' means the spice will keep its heat — a proverb meaning that the old pleasures will survive. Ginger was a common spice used to flavour ale; its warmth makes it a natural symbol for the persistence of festivity against killjoy authority.
TLN 726historical topical
“rub your chain with crumbs”
The chain of office was the badge of a steward — a gold or silver chain worn around the neck to signify authority over the household. Sir Toby's contemptuous command to 'rub your chain with crumbs' tells Malvolio to go and polish his badge, i.e., do the menial management work that is his actual station, and not try to exercise authority over his social betters. It reduces Malvolio's pretensions to a piece of domestic maintenance.
TLN 744historical topical
“sometimes he is a kind of Puritan”
'Puritan' was the common label for strict, reforming Protestants who opposed music, dancing, elaborate dress, and — famously — the public theatres. Maria at once qualifies the word: Malvolio is not a genuine Puritan but 'a time-pleaser,' a social climber whose sober disapproval is really vanity. The distinction matters; he has no principled religious objection to festivity, only the resentment of a man who feels he deserves better than he has.
historical Puritanism and revelry ('a kind of Puritan')
TLN 773classical allusion
“Good night, Penthesilea”
Penthesilea was the queen of the Amazons, warrior women of Greek myth — famous for leading her troops to Troy after the death of Hector, where she was killed by Achilles. Sir Toby calls the tiny Maria 'Penthesilea' as a joke: the Amazon queen was a figure of towering martial ferocity, and Maria is described elsewhere as very small. The comparison is affectionate and satirically exact.